the change within

It is commonly understood that significant change can occur in a very short period of time, after all, ‘the only thing constant is change’ as they say.  I wonder then, why I am always so surprised when I am confronted by it.

Having recently made a vow to myself to be more self-caring (rather, necessarily selfish), I’ve begun to be more distrustful of others who seem to be letting me down more and more these days.  I’ve been foolish to expect to see my qualities in others (not that all mine are good) as I have experienced just how much my kind intentions have been taken advantage of.

I have held myself back time and time again from pursuing personal goals to protect the best interests of others.  I have given others the benefit of the doubt believing they would come through for me, too naive to realise their own selfish motives.  I have exhausted my own energies to help and to care for others, neglecting my own quest for progress, fulfillment and contentment.

However, amidst the external changes now surrounding me, I have become more aware of what they actually mean for me.  And my gut is telling me at this very moment, they mean nothing.  Because even though forces outside of you evolve, it doesn’t mean that you do. You have to make a conscious decision to either embrace the change, resist it or completely reject it.

As the optimist, I can see the long-term benefits, I can anticipate the excitement that will follow this change.  But the pessimist in me questions how the change impacts on me personally – it may be for the greater good yes, but will it be so for me?

Fear of change of is of course a means to an end, but how do I differentiate that from simply preparing myself to deal with the possible pitfalls of said change?

Have I just created a problem for myself with this new self-centred strategy?  Should I return to my overtly humble and selfless ways?

the change within