Well the day is almost upon me. Another year older, another chapter to write, another road on which to venture.
And yet somehow, I feel indifferent to it all. Yes there is some reluctance, some fear and denial, but mostly, I want to avoid the attention.
I don’t quite understand my current state of being (though I am a little under the weather with an aching head and fatigued body), I’ve been moody and restless and impatient with people as well as myself.
Perhaps subconsciously I’m just really afraid of the expectation that comes with this new age. To come to terms with the reality, the pressure from the outside world that says I should be somewhere more than where I am now.
True that this flickers in mind quite often, but birthdays always seem to shine a brighter spotlight on parts of your life that are still in their draft stage.
What did I expect of myself at 28? Have I even accomplished anything that I thought I would have by now? What will this new year bring that will be different? That will make me better? Happier?
It’s a weird feeling to think so deeply about it, a few hours between my current age and my new age. Who do I want to be and who I am working towards being?
It’s way too easy for me to fall in a heap right now. I’m tried, a little uninspired and helpless and I’m not sure why. Is my physical state affecting me emotionally? Or am I just over-dramatizing what can easily be fixed by a good night’s sleep?
Maybe the time is just right to shed this old skin of mine.
Tomorrow is a new day.